I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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