Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
