she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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