"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
