dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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