i'm lost and i look like a hooker
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
