I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
