I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
