it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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