its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
