I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
