Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
