So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
