I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
