I murdered the dance floor call the cops
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
