I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
