Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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