There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
