Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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