i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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