The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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