Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
