If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
