whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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