omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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