Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
