i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
so let's talk penis.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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