I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My dad is sitting where you rode me
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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