i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
