Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
