just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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