My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize