So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Come see our sink grown plant.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
