the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
