she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
