after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
