It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
