Christians are straight up FREAKS
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
