I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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