I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
