I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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