alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
