yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
