Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
