We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
