Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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