Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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