If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
