just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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