I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
