when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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