Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
