So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
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