just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
